Sense of Hopelessness

I been doing a lot of thinking for the past few days. i thought a lot about myself. i thought a lot about my friends and family. i thought about my future, the possibilities in job employment, getting a girlfriend, getting laid marriage, a lot of other shits too.

And I came to the conclusion that i might be hopeless after all.

Call me pessimistic or whatever, but i do think that i am way, way behind a lot of my peers in terms of life achievement and excellence. You may say something along the lines of "don't compare yourself with others" or "you are who you are" or those kinda shits. I get those all the time. You can't possibly say that to yourself no matter how open-minded you are. Everyone will have some degree of jealousy towards others.

Compare with these people whom i know of:

*** A primary mate of mine who's now on 8TV's Coca-Cola Thirst for Passion: Music Executive reality show, and a really good entrepreuner

*** A friend who's already making near 5 figure salary via MLM

*** Some friends who's already making it big in overseas Uni

*** 2 mutual friends armed with super programming skills freelancing for companies

*** A mate in Singapore who's working as a network techician while simultaneously getting laid hanging out at night clubs with clients and colleagues


And I'm still here blogging, complaining and living in my own la-la land.

My VB 6 skills sucks, my ASP skill is non-existent, and I have only one more week to finish the final year project.

oh bloody.

Who the fuck is she???

Lately, there's been a commotion on the blog scene about this girl by the name of FireAngel who's absolutely hot.......the thing is, i dun get it...why is she so hot? who the fuck is she?

ok, i'm new to blogging, so i may not know. But ya gotta be kidding me when this many people worships her. Minishorts says she's hot, many guys drool after her, and even more guys wank to her. Christ, they even fucking set up a fansite......

From what i know, she's the Malaysian Blog Idol 2005, cusses like nobody's business, and apparently still single.......it took me a while before i found her own blog.

CAN SOMEBODY PLEASE TELL ME WHAT ALL THE FUSS IS ABOUT ??!! ARRRGGHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Am I?

Congratulations Alan Pang, you are...

Joyce the Fairy of xanga.com/kinkybluefairy

If you are a car, your fuel of choice would be unleaded alcohol. You are a major party animal with an unnatural obsession with art, toys and all things fantasy. You think the world is too complicated and you wished it could be as simple as it was when you were 7 years old. You live with it. You work hard, but you don't take for granted the simple things in life that make you happy. Sweet candy, cartoon music, crazy friends, all these and more make you a happy person living in your own little world.

Which Malaysian Blogger Are You?

Final round CLEAR!!!

The exams are finally over!!! WHOO-HOO!!!

yesterday's E-Commerce exam quite OK la, can manage la...although the morning paper is a bit tricky la i think......but compared to other subjects (like that dreaded @#$#^%& Comp. Comm.) considered easy lo......

it also helps that I didn't sleep for the whole nite studying E-Commerce......I ain't hardworking or something...this is last-freakin-minute job......DO NOT IMITATE ME......

Finish exam of course have to go "basah" la...went to Sungai Wang Plaza......again......for the umpteenth time......had a nice meal there in Hot Mama restaurant, the dish was called Saigon Shrimp Bee Hun or something like that lar, can't recall. After that went browsing in Low Yat and have a little chat with Alan who was working there. Bumped into Jenifer, and apparently she was looking for a new PC.

oh yeah, the whole Low Yat Plaza was showing Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children in almost every shoplot...personally I dun think the facial features are THAT reallistic, it's too smooth without any wrinkles or dimples. But the background....fuckin photorealistic man! Any FF fan should check out the movie, it's out on DVD anyway......

SEVEN

Listening To: Dick Brave & The Backbeats "Complicated" [cover of Avril Lavigne's song with 60s Elvis twang, from the artist known as Sasha (If You Believe)]

got tagged by Jen Nih Surf pulak, watever that means......

Seven things you plan to do before you die:

1. get an Oscar...really!
2. Bungie jumping
3. travel around the world
4. get an MD or PhD in medicine (maybe after i retire?)
5. publish a novel
6. develop a video game at Konami or Capcom
7. leave behind a legacy when i die...

Seven things I could do:

1. watch movies all day long
2. write better blog entries
3. spend more time with my family
4. be not so damn lazy...
5. finish The Lord of The Rings novels
6. get a girlfriend
7. get a secured and high salary job

Seven celebrity crushes:

1. Scarlett Johansson
2. Kate Beckinsale
3. Michelle Branch
4. Charlize Theron
5. Maria Bello
6. Julianne Moore
7. Kiefer Sutherland (cannot admire a guy ah? he's damn cool as Jack Bauer)

Seven often repeated words:

1. Wa Lau Eh......
2. What the hell...?
3. FUCK LAH !!! (when in frustration)
4. where got like that one ?!
5. celaka punya *whatever it is that I tak syok of*
6. dude...
7. What?! (of course la, my name what :P)

Seven physical traits I look for in the opposite sex:

1. great legs...
2. hot body...
3. short hair...
4. long hair...
5. healthy skin
6. tall
7. anything but big cute eyes

Seven tags go to:

1. Jo Wen
2. Soe Chin
3. Jarod
4. Kok Leng
5. Manfred
6. Kien Jean
7. whoever also can la......

damn i should be studying for tmr's E-Commerce exam...lazy again......

Round 3 CLEAR!!!

Today's SPM (software and project management, not sijil pelajaran malaysia...) was a breeze, dunno why, but i can answer almost all the questions (about 20+ points were thrown though...) even studying for only about 8 hours starting THE DAY BEFORE EXAM......that's like about 9 hours only...talk about lazy......

Anyway, 1 more subject to go and then it's freedom!!!

Well not actually, there's still the dreaded final year project...ugh...... :P

I crazy liao! Watched 2 movies back to back with Kien Jean and Eugene !!!


First was "Girl with a Pearl Earring". This is a period piece starring my current fav actress Scarlett Johansson and super cool guy Colin Firth. It's about a girl who was forced to work as a maid in an upper class household to support her own life, who along the way unwillingly, but eventually posed for her master to paint a portrait of her, to the utter dismay of the painter's wife. This was supposedly based on a true story in Holland during 1665, and apparently the painting is also real.

The best thing about this film is the undeniable chemistry between Johansson and Firth. Although the dialogue is quite little and is far and between, the actors' expressions do all the acting. Tom Wilkinson is delightfully enjoyable as the sinister patron who buys Firth's paintings, and Cillian Murphy is also good as usual.

The set design and art direction is damn impressive. You can see all the details quite clearly. The production design team has gone to great lengths to recreate 17th century Holland. A film with solid acting and great artistic set designs.

Overall Rating: 3 1/2 out of 5 stars


Next up is "Leon" (aka "The Professional"), a 1994 feature from Luc Besson. French actor Jean Reno is a super cool and efficient assassin in the title role. He bumps into Mathilda -- played by then 13 year old Natalie Portman with alarming sexual innuendo and a tendency for violence -- and takes care of her when her family are shot dead by corrupt DEA agents, led by a suave but nasty Gary Oldman (always a pleasure to watch playing near-psychotic villains).

*Warning, SPOILERS ahead*
What the film lacks in action sequences, it makes up by giving us intimate and rather touching scenes between the two leads. The interaction between them is very interesting and sometimes funny to watch, especially when involving Leon teaching Mathilda the art of professional "cleaning" (the lingo for assassination). A lot of the humour in the film are in the black comedy area, so there's some sort of obscenity and violence involved.

Watch out for one very sad and touching scene where Leon confessess to Mathilda about his early relationship with a girl and how it ended up making Leon who he is now. Brilliant moment by Reno. Near the end, I was so deeply rooted in the characters that I can't help but feel sad when Leon took out himself and the Oldman character.

It's rare to find good movie theses days, but Leon is definitely a nice and engaging film with a few interesting characters to hook you in.

Overall Rating: 4 1/2 out of 5 stars

haha, my first two movie reviews, i think i did pretty good. waddaya think? Maybe in the future when i have the time i will do more reviews on more obscure but cool and hip films. (note: only applicable to those who find dramas and quirky films appealing, as my DVD collection consists of mostly indie materials)

Reunion...sort of......

Listening to : Rika Muranaka & Carla White "Can't Say Goodbye To Yesterday" (Ending theme for Metal Gear Solid 2: Sons of Liberty)

At noon, watched a Thai movie called The Bodyguard, starring Thailand's most famous comedian Petchthai Wongkamlao. The whole movie was just popcorn cheesy and mou-lei-tao fun, with no coherence in plot. I think he was better in the supporting part in Ong-Bak. But it was nice to see Tony Jaa in a cameo role.

Around 6PM, went to have steamboat dinner with Jo Wen and Cia Lit at Kwongsi Food Court (the alternative KFC :P) opposite the Kelana Jaya LRT station. Bumped into Victor, my senior from Silverlake while waiting for Cia Lit, said he's currently working in Siemens. Actually it was London-boy who ajak us out, haha, haven't seen those two since '98 coz 1) Cia Lit moved to SMK Taman SEA, and 2) I moved to Nilai/Sepang......damn miss them......upon meeting, Jo Wen actually gave me the impression that he shrinked in size (sorry dude, i just have to brag about it, no offence :p), while Cia Lit was usual, taller than me...

Anyway, as usual, we chat all things men chat about: women, booze, sex, relationships, football, (and would you believe it) economy......to be frank, I was damn impressed with Cia Lit's wide array of knowledge on the issues that we talked about......he's like a grown-up, a know-it-all...I feel like a budak mentah in front of him......

Also got some tips from him about surviving in the UK, like: Telegraphic Transfer (transfer money), cell phone coverage and services, working rates, etc. Thanks dude!



Kok Leng's links sure are weird and creepy. Report has it that this song made more than 50 people commit suicide in span of a few years since the 1930s'. Enjoy this song at your own risk.
And this is another wacky conversation in Singapore found by Kok Leng.

Round 2 not quite clear...... :(

It's been a bad day for me. And I mean real BAD, as in ya-fail-ya-freakin-computer-communications-exam bad.

Well, not actually fail already. But close.

My heart stopped beating when I read the questions for the afternoon internal paper. Shit. Not one question that I know how to do. I have been burning my midnight oil all night long but the questions come out different things. Celaka...

Imagine: "Describe the Hamming code." 15 marks. WHAT THE FUCK ?! 4 word question for 15 friggin' marks ?! goddamnit...luckily the following Hamming code question is a piece of cake......a lot of questions also like this short descriptions ask for long answers...ma c*ba*......

I have this feeling that I'm gonna fail the internal paper, though i hope otherwise of course...the external paper at least I can gauge that it will at least get me a B or C, but this one...damn...can't shake this feeling off me since coming out of the exam hall...almost everyone said something to the effect of "oh no, i'm gonna die"; "Comp Comm make a lot of people die"; "everybody will fail this paper", etc.

Ya, everybody except for those 4.0 fellas......I knew I shouldn't have spent 2 hours on that damn Internet riddle game yesterday......it's addicting alright, but not yesterday. Damn you, Alan...

So when Dad and Mom called, I told them about my situation. I can see that Dad wasn't quite pleased, but that's just me. Mom was more positive and supportive though. Thanks Mom, Dad, for the consolation. :)

----------------------------------------

Well, no use dwelling in the past, gotta learn to let it go......

Here's something for the Sin City fans, the site's got some comic-panel to movie stills comparison shots......quite nicely done......credits to Cutshaw for his link......

Suddenly I feel like watching the film again, in fact jz borrowed from Kien Jean while typing.......

The Toronto International Film Festival is currently running in the US, and James Berardinelli's review of Capote caught my attention the most, mainly because the film features a bravura performance from Philip Seymour Hoffman. Hoffman's always a joy to watch, mostly in supporting roles to date. This film gives me another high expectation from the thespian. Am looking forward to watching it when it hits DVD shelves (pirate one :P)

Gotta go sleep now, it's been a long day, I only slept for 3 hours yesterday preparing for the damn Comp.Comm. papers. Chiaoz.

Xanga Murder

I was reading Yi Hua's Hardware Mag on the article about blogging, when this paragraph immediately grabbed my attention: "Blogs also reveal the state of mind of a blogger and there already has been one case where a murdered blogger managed to reveal the identity of the murderer right before he died".

Like that also can? So, i went to the site and also read the news report linked from Wikipedia......

Apparently this guy from the US (a chinese, i think) was blogging when his sister's ex start whacking him and then stabbing him to his death...later the police read his blog and caught the murderer...ironic, but it's so damn creepy after reading it coz u already knew the outcome, making it much more disturbing...kinda like foreshadowing in the storybooks......

p/s: the last entry drew 3482 comments. Go figure.

Round 1 CLEAR!!!

Listening to: Palmy "Pat Mong Chow Wun Ung Karn" (great acoustic song from the Thai artist)

Whoo-hoo (cue Homer Simpson :P) !!! Pendidikan Moral exam over liao! 3 more to go!

The moral papers were difficult as expected: the morning paper had difficult questions on essays, while the afternoon paper were hard on the MCQs......as usual, the memorizations had no effects whatsoever on the final answers. Most of the time, it was based on logics and common sense...call me arrogant or whatever, but I've been using this method for examinations all my life since college life, and sometimes the results can be a wonderful thing.

I have to admit though the objective questions are quite tricky, i swear that every one of them CAN BE THE ANSWER......

Maybe it's coz I didn't study as thorough as other people......last night I have been relaxing instead of studying for the moral examination...I did study, but most of the time I've been slacking off reading articles in Wikipedia.org, which has nothing to do with studies, but on issues i deem worth spending my time to.

OK, fine, I was reading and analyzing the ending for Metal Gear Solid 2: Sons of Liberty after I finished playing it on my roomie's computer (the specs: Pentium 4 3.2Ghz, 1Ghz DDR2 RAM, nVidia GeForce 6800...dig that, suckas)......so now finally understood the entire plot, and solved my 2 year curiousity. This site has a very detailed analysis on how MGS2 is actually more of a software art than just a video game, how Hideo Kojima has implemented his ideas and visions into a package disguised as a game......it's quite interesting for all you Metal gear fans.......

Reading video games analysis on the day before exam......I'm doomed......

Love?

How You Are In Love

You fall in love quickly and easily. And very often. You tend to take more than give in relationships. You need your space and privacy. You don't like to be smothered. You love your partner unconditionally and don't try to make them change. You stay in love for a long time, even if you aren't loved back. When you fall, you fall hard.

How Are You In Love?

I think the first and third one's quite accurate......the rest? no idea......

Meaningless

Very tired.....

Woke up at 11AM to get a message from Lysha asking to have lunch with her...so went out la, who wouldn't wanna have lunch with leng lui, rite?

Then nearly spend 2 hours watching my roomie play MGS2...haha, damn bored...

die lah, still studying Computer Communications for the exams...so sien la......

Emptyness

Something i copied from Jen's site......

Your Birthdate: October 1

Your birthday suggests that are executive ability and leadership qualities in your makeup. A birthday on day 1 of any month gives a measure of will power and self-confidence, and very often a rather original approach. This 1 energy may diminish your ability and desire to handle details, preferring instead to paint with a broad brush. You may be sensitive, but your feelings stay rather repressed.

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

The leadership part is so not me...although i do head nearly all of the assignment groups :P

I think the repressed feelings best describes me......the real me and the one u c in real life may have some sort of difference and i think this is it...i may have a hidden aggression that is mildly surpressed thru the excessive use of foul and vulgar words in my daily life, which i think is a mechanism to channel my rage, instead of letting it all out and turning violent, like the Joe Pesci character in Martin Scorsese's GoodFellas, a great film I watched recently and will try to give a light review in the future, which considering my slow-mo attitude, will probably be after the exams :P

---------------------------

The day has not been good for me. Early at 10 I already had planned to join Frankie, Dylan & Robin in a discussion group, but without the presence of Alvin, who has fallen sick, we were like a bunch of idiots, chatting the whole damn day and hardly studying (actually, it was more like I'm the only one goofing around :P)

Damn, why can't I ever study seriously?

P/S: Our Comp.Comm. assignment got an A-, pretty good I guess, considering the fact that it only took us 2 hours for discussion and 4 hours actual work on THE LAST DAY before submitting to the tutor. Ironic.

Flunked

Listening to: Barenaked Ladies "It's All Been Done"

For the first time in my 4 years' life in college, I finally failed my computer communications mid-term test 2...I'm so fucked up......that's the price u pay for not studying......

I know what u people are saying: "yeah, so u flunked the mid terms, big deal....we do it all the time...there are other people who's doing worse than u..." no offence guys, no insult intended...it's just that i finally realized that i can't go thru the finals with this shitty attitude of mine......

So, I am now doing the make good test to be submitted tomorrow, and it's certainly not a pleasant feeling.....it seems like i'm making a big deal out of this, but i can't help it, my ego's too big to suffer all this...bigger than my balls, and definitely bigger than ur balls......offended? Fuck you.

I am going to score in the finals, that's a promise to myself.
Target Grade for computer communications subject : at least get a B.

If i can't achieve that target, then fuck me and my big fat ego.

Belated Celebration

Listening to: The buzzing sound in my head coz I'm damn sleepy now.

it's our national independence day, ppl, HAPPY 48th BIRTHDAY to Malaysia, Whoo-Hoo!!!

Saturday:-
I was supposed to went out with the classmates yesterday, but nobody wanted to go out (proof that I'm a bad planner), when suddenly an old friend of mine called and asked to meet him in 1U...but then i had to cancel it too coz I dun wanna come back late (it's a 50 minute trip by LRT)...

Sunday:-
instead, went to Low Yat Red-Box with Chris, Kien Jean, VV today...y does ppl enjoy singing karaoke so much? i can never understand......anyway, the fucker VV was hogging the mic all day long and i only managed a couple of songs...want proof? here's some:

see how enjoyed he is? grabbing the mic for a whole friggin' 1 hour in the limited time of only 2 hours......wey, other ppl also need to sing la!!! :(

aiyo, please lah...this one young teenage girls punya pose la...

mwahahaa!!!! finally it's my turn !!!! :p although i have to admit that is quite a stupid and horrendous pose and it doesn't fit my personality......but hey, who gives a shit, it's Merdeka!!! (although i dun quite get the feeling of it)

that ain't my finger, it's Chris'......god knows y he wanna show his middle finger...perhaps he 'bu suang' me ? mayb, with a l**j*** face looking like that, siapa pun mahu bagi the finger la...

Kien Jean the crooner in our group...so enjoyed, so inspired, so captivating, so *insert ur adjective here* :P


Enough with the karaoke, i dun get to sing much anyway, ha...so after meeting Kok Leng (he despises karaoke) we decided to watch IMAX T-Rex, just to experience the 3D effects la, coz we jakuns need to try out everything mah......but the damn show only starts at 6.30 PM and we got friggin' 4 hours plus to kill !!! sien la dunno wat to do, so we went to bought the tix while Kok Leng stays in Borders to indulge in the latest adventures of Specky Boy in Witch School (read:HP&tHBP)......



First time come to Borders despite recommendation from frens...the place is so big...ridiculously BIG...I can stay in here for the whole day without getting bored......ahhh, bookworm (which I am not) heaven......
* there's a Ralph Bakshi's animated version of LOTR being played here...i can say that i was lucky i never watched it before coz it's so damn horrible......

So i went off to those pirated video stores to start my scouring of the DVDs, hahaha......finally found some from my "Wanted List", which includes:
- My Left Foot
- GoodFellas
- L.A. Confidential
- The Last of The Mohicans
- Leon (The Professional)
- Crash
- Hustle & Flow; spent about RM75 on DVDs alone, damn...this month gonna pokai already......

They even got the latest season 4 of '24', damn it's currently showing in the US, and the LOST DVD is not even available in the States yet!!! If the governmental dept has half of the pirates' "speed and efficiency" then the sun will probably set in the East......

Later had dinner at Hartz Chicken Buffet at RM16.90...it's literally eat all you want with only chickens...mm-mm, chickens......eat until the whole stomach wanna explode liao.
Estimated waist growth: 2 in.

fast forward......the IMAX movie sucked......not very bad la, but at the end it kinda goes for cheesiness......the ads were even more exciting with better graphics...wonder why they dun show that instead......

The Usual Suspects :P

In the end, after celebrated well still no Merdeka feel...felt disapointed......maybe next year? But i doubt it.