Tuesday, December 04, 2007


This is my favourite song at the moment...just can't seem to get the hook off my head. Beautiful melody and singing. Enjoy.

OneRepublic - Apologize (remixed by Timbaland)

I'm holding on your rope,
Got me ten feet off the ground
And I'm hearing what you say but I just can't make a sound
You tell me that you need me
Then you go and cut me down, but wait
You tell me that you're sorry
Didn't think I'd turn around, and say...

That it's too late to apologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late

I'd take another chance, take a fall
Take a shot for you
And I need you like a heart needs a beat
But it's nothing new - yeah yeah

I loved you with the fire red
Now it's turning blue, and you say...
"Sorry" like the angel heaven let me think was you
But I'm afraid...

It's too late to apologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late whoa.....

It's too late to apologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize, yeah
I said it's too late to apologize, yeah
I'm holding on your rope, got me ten feet off the ground...

My nose is red

Coz' I have been rubbing it with countless tissues since last night.

Bloody flu...had to take leave for the day since I can't talk without sounding like Donald Duck and can't risk scaring people away with fluids dripping out my nostrils every five seconds.

Just one day after starting production support I'm making wantans at home again.


Monday, November 19, 2007

Fallen Leaves: A Review

I haven't been to a play since Julius Caesar 2 years ago. So when BH asked if I'm interested and invited I quickly grab hold of the opportunity to revisit another play. Ticket was only Rm10 anyway, the money goes to charity, and I have never been to Bangsar before (seriously), so why not, I told myself. Besides, I needed some "refreshment" after all those hard work at office.

So I went to office in the noon just to clear up some stuff on the release package, and then went to wait for BH at the station. We dropped off at Bangsar LRT and took a cab to Bangsar Shopping Centre.

The show is titled "Fallen Leaves" and is having its last run at The Actors Studio. It's jointly organized by the Welcome Community Home, CloudBreak creative skills development centre, and sponsored by my company. It's a theatre production consisting 4 stories that explores the lives, prejudices and hardship faced by people living with HIV/AIDS that started at the end of last year. The part that spawned my interest in the first place was that the stories are performed by people infected with HIV/AIDS.

The set was minimal to the max (???) with only some dry tree leaves scattered at the sides of the stage and a projection screen on the wall. Each segment was mostly performed by one actor doing monologue, with only minimal supporting players. The first performance "The Poison Arrow" was by this 40-something Malay guy who dresses as normal and casual as one can get you'd mistaken him for some uncle on the street. The first 5 minutes of dialogue were plain and for a moment I thought it was gonna be boring, but as the play progress it gets interesting and livelier as he goes on describing how his own self was blinded by his own prejudice towards HIV-infected people.

Second act "A Shaded Life" was about a teen who started to use drugs during his teenage years and how it come to shape his adulthood. This part was not quite engaging but has a scene with the best stage lighting. Third act "Fool's Hill" was narrated by a man sitting on a hill top, reminiscing about his uncle who gave him a bag of branded clothes before dying of HIV. His fear of being infected by HIV prompted him to burn the clothes, and honestly disclosed this fact to the uncle. His unintentional disgust and uncontrolled fear caused him to bear a guilt after his uncle's death.

Fourth act was performed by a man sitting in a Zen like position on a bed, as he calmly tells the tale of living a life in a rehab centre. This part was especially memorable as the monologue conveys great imagery and the delivery was great, providing a sense of melancholy and giving a hint of hope in the last scene. Said last scene literally brought tears to my eyes, as the image of patients living their daily lives, going through their daily activities, just come across as so touching. I don't know why, it was a spur of the moment thing.

I have to give credit to the performers. Their performance was totally mesmerizing as the delivery and acting was so real and emotional. All this is made even amazing with the fact that they are neither professional nor amateur actors. I guess that their real life experience on drug usage and the hardship struggle against society's discrimination gave their performance the heart and soul it needed.

A brief Q&A session after the performance has the director Brian Jones describing the brainstorming and writing process, and how the production came to after these rehab patients were brought to see a Samuel Beckett play. Let me just say that it was really inspiring to learn from one of the performers, "When people applause us, it gives me courage." They have shown and proven that they are not the garbage society has branded them, and through the play, they can teach and even inspire the younger generation of not repeating their past

My previous experience with local theatre was "Pygmalion" and "Julius Caesar". Those were great shows, but this one has somehow struck a chord with its simplicity and relevance. I wouldn't say that it was groundbreaking or an eye-opening experience, but it definitely has changed some perspectives in me. Here are people living with HIV doing something meaningful while I just keep ranting on my work. Seriously, I feel so insignificant compared to them. I need to change.

It was DEFINITELY RM10 well spent. Upon exiting the stage I bought a "Fallen Leaves" T-shirt at a promotion booth for RM12.

Lingered around BSC for some 30 minutes before returning to Bangsar LRT. BH accidentally inserted her STAR ticket into the machine and it got stuck. Heh. The ticket salesperson helped
to remove it of course.

Went to KLCC and managed to buy tickets for Balls Of Fury. The movie was in the same reign as Blades of Glory ie. sports parody, but as a whole the welcome wears off fast. The first 45 minutes was ok, but the jokes started to fall apart from then on. The saving grace were James Hong's ping pong master-sifu character, who was dead on freaking LOL hilarious, and Christopher Walken, who is always great. As no-nonsense screwball comedies go, this one's pretty flat. But mindless fun it was.

All in all a great day spent on theatre and cinema with the company of someone whom I enjoy talking with.

I need more of this. After SR1, bring on the plays!

SIDENOTE: While on the way to BSC sped past by a restaurant with the name of "HSBC"...as in Hot & Spicy Bangladesh Cuisine....heh, another acronym for my company. :P

Sunday, November 18, 2007


Okay, I admit the last few posts were a little depressive and maybe I've gone overboard in my routine of ranting and complaining.

Here's something fun at BrainFall. Just trying it out lah...

Which Friends Character Are You?

You are Chandler. You're funny and that's why people like to have you around. You're also a great friend, and when someone you care about is in trouble, they know to come to you for some level-headed advice followed by some sharp sarcasm.
Find Your Character @ BrainFall.com

Which Famous Artist Are You?

You are Andy Warhol. Your artistic talent became clear at an early age. As a result, you are still developing your talent now, chasing the dream. A big fan of commercial art, you see greatness in the ordinary.
Find Your Character @ BrainFall.com

What Kind of Girl Will You Fall For?

You will fall for the cutie. You like girls with a personality. She's got to have a nice smile and a sense of humor. Although she doesn't have to be a model, she has to be that girl-next-door.
Find Your Character @ BrainFall.com

Which 24 Character Are You?

You are part Milo. You are the ultimate geek. You prefer to follow other people's orders
rather than come up your own set of rules. You are very responsibile and
prefer to work behind the spotlight, although with enough recognition you
might be better than the other people in the group. You have immense
leadership potential and talent, but it is up to you to go explore the
You are part Bill Buchanan. You are a law abiding citizen and in your world, rules are
the driving force behind anything and everything. Your leadership charisma
is something talked about by others, and instead of doing things
differently you do different things. You have an uncanny knack of staying
calm in tense situations and your tone is testimony to that. Keep the cool
attitude and you will surely overcome the most perilous situations.
Find Your Character @ BrainFall.com


I used to think that I am a cheerful person.

You know, the happy-go-lucky type. No matter the situation, I could always remain positive and unfazed. Well, not to the point of being overly-positive, but you get the point.

But I'm not so sure now.

Ever since working (it's a full year already) I find myself...not quite myself anymore. Maybe it's the long working hours. Maybe it's the tense environment. Or the fact that I just like to enjoy life and relax.

But lately I am becoming more and more depressed and confused.

I have become more cynical towards all things.

I complaint more and more.

I find myself seldom interacting with the colleagues anymore. I don't know why.

I sometimes eat in large portion just to indulge myself after working so hard. It doesn't help my ego that this has contributed to my ever expanding waistline goddammit...

For the past 4 months, my daily routine for dinner has been eating with colleagues before returning to office for a couple of hours work, or eating at mamak stalls after taking the SECOND LAST train back home.

I have only met those former college mates a few times since July.

I sometimes need to work on Saturday and even Sunday, not because my boss summons me back, but because there's so much bloody fucking work to finish off.

Most of my friends work 8 hours a day, 40 hours a week. Well, I work 60 hours a week.


And they tell me they are tired.

I want my life back.

Wednesday, October 17, 2007


How is it possible that everytime I had planned something in advance, work will always take priority and caused said plan to be void at the very last minute?

I don't mind working on Saturdays.

I don't mind burning the "deserved" comp leave from working on said Saturday.

Heck, I don't even mind working on other issues until my own project got stalled. (not blaming anyone here ok...)

What I mind is, I missed out a WHOLE LOTTA things just because my sense of responsibility takes over my other priorities.

I missed out on basketball practice on Tuesdays. (not that I'm good anyway)

I missed out on CSR activities every time there is one...is there a bloody conspiracy to arrange to put me on duty everytime there is such said activities?

I missed out 2 whole months of movie watching......I am a movie lover, can't help it...

I missed out important family gatherings and makans......

I missed out on friend's birthday parties......

AND I FREAKING MISSED OUT A 10 YEAR REUNION DINNER WITH SECONDARY SCHOOL MATES OK......I was fucking pissed at that...those mates, didn't had the chance to meet since I moved to KLIA...and now...


This job has taught me that in life, there are a lot of compromises....

Just that it's not good to always compromise yourself...

Yeah, it's a selfish thought...I don't care......

90 days

3 months.

3. Freaking. Months.

Without a post.

Even I couldn't believe it.

That is so not me...

The past 90 days has been a helluva ride for me...stuck in program-dom with high pressure customer chasers and getting a mouthful from the seniors.

Why the fuck got so many production problem....kanasai......

It ain't fun working more than 12 hours a day ok...the body can only take so much.

It didn't help that the wireless connection in my home was and still is shaky...had to resort to jacking other people's wireless network to go online or it's a trip to T-Bun.

Which is one of the reason this blog was "vacant" for 3 months. That, and I DON'T HAVE FREAKING TIME.

I need extra 8 hours a day...just to go back home and relax and do my stuff......

Not working til 11pm every goddamn day and only have time for papers and supper and sleep.

I know complaining ain't helping...and a whole lot of people has been through that...and with the constant mantra "The first 2 years of work is the most critical" and shit...but still.......


Wednesday, July 18, 2007


I'm sick.

Exhausted, whole body is tired. No energy.

The body has finally taken its toll. Probably due to working late for the past few weeks.

And definitely due to the snacks and fast foods and those more-than-RM10-above lunch sets that I took during lunchtime. Gotta cut away from those....

So since yesterday I was home, took a 2 day MC, coz the almost-fever came back in the evening yesterday after I almost recovered. This morning's heavy rain doesn't help either. No point risk getting wet and sick again.

And the haze...the freakin haze...is back. I can barely see KLCC from my window.

So...like I said, I stayed home all day since yesterday, save for going to grab something to eat, and, you know, spent the a few hours contemplating on my life, reevaluate my priorities, ponder on life-work balance, what I should so with the remaining days of my core leave after getting back from Indonesia....

You know, heavy stuff. Yada yada yada.

This, after I almost screw up my mid year appraisal by not remembering any good or outstanding things/performance that could've help me in the ratings. Luckily my mentor Fish helped me out a lot during the review. Really, really appreaciate it, thanks a million Fish!

Also, finally finish reading Fight Club that I've bought since late April. The "Afterword" section was pretty creepy, where the author imagined himself a victim of some real life fight club homework assignment and the rest of the world has obsessed over the novel so much so that life-imitates-art. Yeah, it took me three months to finish a 200+ page novel. But I've been busy with work you know...I could only read on the way back home everynight in the shaky LRT.

Oh yeah, while sick at home, I spent the whole day online.

Like I said, I seriously gotta reevaluate my priorities.

Friday, July 13, 2007

The past 2 months

Holy moly, I was MIA for the past 2 months, my longest period ever. Here's a short, non-chronological recap, for anyone who bothers:

After 6 months of probation I received the job confirmation. Salary increased by 5%. Like, wow.

I bought Muse's "Origin Of Symmetry" album for RM32.90, and has sinced hooked on Citizen Erased everyday at work.

Watched a few movies that includes Spider-Man 3, Sumolah, Blades Of Glory, Pirates 3, Hot Fuzz and Transformers.
Most Enjoyable: Hot Fuzz
Most Meaningful: Sumolah
Suckiest of the lot: Spider-Man 3

I attended 4 weddings in the span of ONE month during May: Colleague's wedding, Alex's colleague's wedding, my college mate NC's wedding, and Dad's once-removed cousin's wedding (Apparently Synical was also dining at the same restaurant in Jaya Supermarket at that time. Didn't see her though, but did manage to exhange some SMS)

The company's CEO was retiring to London, attended the farewell dinner held at KLCC Convention Center, which had some great food at the event.

Dad had a minor operation on the nose to remove some smelly mucus. Nothing biggie. He recovered well, and me and Alex also had a check up. (We Pangs have nose problems dammit)

Had a mini-gathering with the ex-classmates from LJMU. Eric called and invited. Julie was there and so was Jess. Billy came 45 minutes late. Had some laughs in the Wangsa Maju Kopitiam, but the food bloody sucks.
Couldn't make it for a latter gathering a week later though, the one with Heng's farewell.
Total Surprise: Got to know Jess's totally hot younger sis Tanya.

Oh yeah, also bought Travis's "The Boy With No Name", 70% of the songs were listenable which is really quite a feat. First half of the album was more enjoyable though.
Recommended listens: 3 Times And You Lose, Closer, Eyes Wide Open, Under The Moonlight


It's about 3AM now, I'm almost stoned. Getting too high from working.

Working everyday til late night isn't very healthy.

You got no time to do your own stuff anymore.

You don't have time for papers.

You don't have time for laundry.

You don't have time for socializing.

You don't even have time to shit.

But you know something's very wrong when sometimes, just sometimes only, for a little moment, you actually enjoy working so late.

Damn psycho.


Call Center.








Corporate pressure.

I'm almost sick of it all.



Cannot tahan liao.
3 languages in a sentence. The beauty of Manglish.

The anarchist in me is wating to get out.

I am Jack's Surpressed Rage.

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Money Licking MuthaF****s

2 weeks ago one of my friends (who shall remain nameless here for the sake of letting me bombard him with curse words) invited me to watch Spidey 3. Dude says he booked 50 tickets at TGV. So many friends? Go figure.

At first I hesitated. Dude must be up to no good (I'll let you guess what he's up to, but you probably already did so). But then he said he also invited a few college mates whom I haven't met up for quite some time. So I thought "What the heck..." and promised.

And turned up I did. And wadayya know, it wasn't 50 people like he said---it was more like 160. All gathered at Burger King KLCC, having dinner while waiting for the show to start.

Seeing these 100 + people, it was like an illegal gathering of some sort and I'm part of it. There's a disturbing sense that you're trying to trash the place with so many people as your "backup". Why the need to have so many people at the same time? To showoff ah, like you got a big gang very 'geng' is it? To network? You're not throwing a home party mate.

Soon after when I was chowing down on my mushroom burger, came this girl who looked like those power women type, ya know, businesswomen. The fella sat down and introduced herself.

Girl: "Hi, I'm XXX's friend. So you guys are his college friends?"
Me: "Yeah, we were college mates few years back."
Girl: "So you're working now huh?"
Me: "Yeah I work in a bank...you working too?"
(with a sudden smirk and a grin on her face) "No, I don't WORK. I do BUSINESS."

NIABEH, very action is it doing your own business...I so wanted to slap that bitch in the face at that very moment. Lucky for her her phone rang and she had to go outside to talk coz' they gathered so many loons in BK in the first place.

Yep, I've encountered the kind of people I hate most: People from the MLM industry. Jerks who can't stop talking about money and business all day long as though they are already experts in the field when all they represent are 2nd year college jocks.

As if hanging with them isn't enough, when the clock hits 9pm all of them starts rushing to the cinema already. The reason?
To get free seatings. Ignoring the fact that people already bought tickets with NUMBERED SEATS these idiots wanna take the whole cinema to themselves by choosing their own comfy seats, preferably at the back row of course. What's the whole point of purchasing tickets in the first place anyway if you're gonna be so selfish?!

You think you are the king of the world ah?
Fuck you lah.

Multi Level Marketing? Screw that. I call them Money Licking MuthaF****s.

* more MLM bashing in the next post. Sorry, I just have to blurt it out.

Friday, May 04, 2007

One Step Closer

More than ever before, this LP song resonates the current shithole that I've been dumped in.

I cannot take this anymore
I'm saying everything I've said before
All these words they make no sense
I find bliss in ignorance
Less I hear the less you'll say
But you'll find that out anyway

Just like before...

Everything you say to me
Takes me one step closer to the edge
And I'm about to break
I need a little room to breathe
Cause I'm one step closer to the edge
And I'm about to break

I find the answers aren't so clear
Wish I could find a way to disappear
All these thoughts they make no sense
I find bliss in ignorance
Nothing seems to go away
Over and over again

Everything you say to me
Takes me one step closer to the edge
And I'm about to break
I need a little room to breathe
Cause I'm one step closer to the edge
And I'm about to break

Shut up when I'm talking to you
Shut up, shut up, shut up

I’m about to break!

Now if you'll excuse me I have to go fuck myself to cool down.

Thursday, April 12, 2007

Better screw me

No post for last month...been busy digging my head into the system...need support constantly...big project coming now, haven't study the specs yet, gonna die......

Writing skills is rusty at this point...only can write in short sentences...puntuated by 3 dots...ironic...funny...no idea...recap on the next post, hopefully......

Blogging now just for the heck of it...nothing substantial to write...not that I can think of at the moment......

Being chased a lot recently...seniors chasing me for works...a girl friend starts chasing me, literally...not quite sure how to handle it...damn it...when's my turn to chase the one I like......

At this point damn tired...physically and emotionally...can't take the heat anymore...get me outta here......

Sometimes people just don't fucking get it......

Like I said, not very substantial......

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

It's been a while

Another 26 days gone, really got no time to blog and just being lazy all this while.

Well, not enough time is just an excuse, I'm just lazy.

It seems like few of my recent posts I've been doing recaps instead of the usual topic-ed post like movie reviewing or recalling a trip...how lame of that......


Got a surprise phone call from Anna and Josephine in Liverpool (forgot which day), which was rather pleasant getting some updates about them and other former mates.


Chinese New Year was okay, went to Port Dickson and overnight at one of the condo there. Just spending time with the cousins and played some games and gambled, which I lost RM10. :P
Too bad I got hit with a bad flu for 3 days, almost gone sick. That's probably the only worse part in an otherwise enjoyable 9 days holiday.

After 9 days away without work (I took 3 days leave for CNY), I'm back in the office typing away at the keyboard answering mails from Japan and doing amendments and testing, all the while consulting with my sifu before making every crucial move. What would I do without her......but she's on night shift next week, so I'm on my own. T_T

Oh, we have a new colleague in the team, who I thought looked a bit like Daniel Craig. And by a bit I mean just a wee bit and vague resemblance...maybe it's just me...... :P


My biggest regret so far is that I missed the Muse concert in Stadium Negara on 25th Feb 2007. XJ had a friend working in one of those TicketAxess places, and she promised to get me tics at discount price, but still it sold out like hot cakes. (no worries XJ, there's always next time :P)

When word came out that the tics was all SOLD OUT, I was so numbfucked I went and bought their latest album Black Holes And Revelations....to "quench my thirst" I guess. And to sample their songs. Truth be told, I'm only familiar with "Time Is Running Out".

The songs are quite varied in genres and styles, some of them not very mainstream stuff, but good music overall. My favs include "Starlight", Supermassive Black Hole", "Map Of The Problematique", "Exo-Politic", and of course the incredible album closer "Knights of Cydonia". Even the title reeks of awesomeness.

Oh well, at least Synical attended the gig, and I can read her review of it.


Oh man, I so wanted to blog about the movies I watched during CNY, but it's so late now...maybe on the next post.

My posts are getting more and more disoriented and unorganized. Writing skills also berkarat already. Damn it.

Friday, February 02, 2007

No direction

Listening to: Travis's Singles album

Well, for those who keep track, this is my first post from a 40 day hiatus.

Yes, that's right. I haven't blogged in 40 days. Even I myself dunno why. No time? Lame excuse la...but really, I haven't had the chance to play My Chemical Romance's The Black Parade, which I bought for almost 3 weeks already.

Probably coz there's not much interesting things to say lately. Wanted to blog about working stuff, but I'd probably turn it into another rant, and ethically we shouldn't blog about work stuff right? for P&C reasons...sometimes I fear that I will cross the line....

And working in a bank (which is very routine itself) also robs me of any excitement that I otherwise may encounter.

Damn, my English is getting sloppy.

Anyway, I'm blogging now coz today is FT day, and I had to wait now in the middle of the night to start my bitchin, coz the whole day was spent cleaning my room and reading papers which I previously didn't have time to catch up on.

So, the updates.

Work wise, everything is ok, getting some jobs to do now after I whined about how I got nothing to do and appearing to be slacking during office time. How I regret about that. Now I got a handful of it I don't even know if I can handle 'em.

And it doesn't help that I fucked up something and almost got a scolding from my mentor. Lucky me, the problem was fixed in time. But this will probably haunt me for a while.

Oh well, I'll just have to bite it and take it as a lesson and try not to repeat it the next time.

* * * * * * * * * *

Movie wise, watched Night At The Museum. Movie itself was okay only, with sloppy characterization and childish dialogue, but there are some inspired and genuinely funny moments. Best watched in cinemas to generate some laughters with other moviegoers.
Hey, it's gotta be good if everyone in the cinema gave an applause when the credits roll...

Also watched Blood Diamond. Brutal. Adventurous. Thought-provoking. Although I find 2004's Hotel Rwanda more intimate and personal. But this is still another good picture form Edward Zwick. One of those serious movies that actually talks about something, in this case conflict diamonds...makes you think the next time you walk past a jewellery shop in those shopping malls. Watch out for great acting performances from Leonardo DiCaprio (he's not just a pretty face anymore) and Djimon Hounsou (always dependable and really shines in this role...plus that torso.....).

* * * * * * * * * *

Social life, hmmm....went out once during New Year's Eve with JZ and Manx, and went for a trip to Penang to celebrate Chris's birthday and bought some DVDs (which still haven't watch). Apart form that, seldom contact friends also.

* * * * * * * * * *

News wise, the only ones that mattered to me are 2 prominent bloggers got into some lawsuit for defamation, and 3 prominent Chinese language daily newspaper being merged. Because this brings the question: where is the freedom of speech in our country?

Sometimes reading the papers can be so depressing, coz' all you read are articles about how obnoxious, dumb, bullying and ignorant our leaders can be. It's all fucked up I tell ya...

Good luck to Visit Malaysia Year 2007. Let's see how this great idea will turn out.

Next time only I rant. Now wanna sleep liao.

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